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If I was on the Bondi Tourist Board // 26 April 2012

Just found this gushing ditty, which I recall was written as part of a job application for a travel mag. I think they asked for a piece about ‘my favourite place.’ Rewind to 5th grade. Hey-ho, they didn’t get back to me.

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It’s not quiet, it’s not remote, it’s not untouched. It’s not even wonderfully clean, nor is it buffeted from the hustle and bustle of city life. It’s certainly not easy to find a parking spot nearby and ‘getting there and away by public transport’ merits a long, hard re-think by bus operators. It is fringed by a McDonald’s and a backdrop of badly-judged graffiti.

In its inimitable way, though, it couldn’t be more perfect.

Bondi beach, 2026, NSW.

A fingernail-like arc of golden sand curves between two cragged headlands in an achingly textbook-esque display of nature at its best. Waves roll onto shallow bars, flopping with graceful force onto sand that has been pounded by a billion indigenous soles, Chinese tourists, young revellers, sunburnt backpackers, strapping lifesavers and 6am joggers over the years.

Water that wouldn’t be out of place on a Caribbean picture-postcard – clear, turquoise, an exquisite foil to the city’s daily grind – keeps the nation’s (if not the world’s) favourite beach beating to its own rhythm.

Dawn and dusk surfers bob like sitting ducks, waiting for their few seconds on a crest, tumbling into surf at the very last moment. Straps whip boards back to tanned owners who by day, suited and booted, work minutes away in a glass tower block.

Ocean swimmers head to the depths, away from the hoi polloi, bright caps dotting the distance like a string of beads.

Snorkellers huff and puff and poke around the rocks towards Ben Buckler, searching for the mottled grouper they hear lives there, idling in the warm waters and minding his own business.  Whether the grand-daddy of fish is an urban myth (or should that be marine myth? It’s hard to know at Bondi, where city meets sea in such unusual synchronicity) or not, snorkels waver and wobble, taking in the grey, green, blue, black and yellow rocks and unseen life, lurking below.

Bodysurfers zoom, Superman-like, riding a turbulent plane until tumbling, frothing water plonks bodies onto the beach. Fathers teaching sons to catch the waves, girls flirting with the idea – and with the boys trying to teach them – and everyone in between washing the city from their bones.

Children, families, chatting parents, three-wheeled prams with wheels that make deft work of the hot, cream sand. At one end, toddlers fall and scream in a calf-high ocean puddle, watched over by 100 pairs of Ray-Banned eyes. At the other, the aged, the strong, the one-piece clad locals tear through a crisp pool of fresh ocean water, lapping a chopping pool whilst diners eating wagyu burgers watch on. Early mornings see the sun rise in a misty film beyond Icebergs, merging sea and pool in slowly brightening light.

All along the beach unspoken politics plays out between lifesavers and lifeguards – blues versus reds, the Venn diagram of difference only overlapping to help where help is needed. Signs tell you the water is shallow, the waves dump, the currents rip and the waves may barrel onto battered sand. It’s a minority, though, who can resist throwing themselves into a breaking wave, absorbing and soaking in the sea. A toe, at the very least, is dipped into Bondi’s imperfect charms by most who visit.

And all along the beach, Sydneysiders, visitors, everyone walks the sand that has been trod for millions of years and will outlast everyone of us. Where one shallow footprint fills with rippling water and washes into the Pacific, another footprint soon replaces its five-toed, momentary imprint.

Bondi is a force – not just an acolyte of Sydney’s unique, enviable lifestyle – but a tour de force of geography, people and space: a gem, a gift, a beach to be shared.

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Why Kony 2012 and Kim Kardashian’s arse can bugger off come Anzac Day // 24 April 2012

The Last Post makes every hair on my neck sit up to attention, ushers in tears and delivers a salutary blow to me each and every time I hear its sombre call.

I know that’s hardly news – I am one of many, many thousands whose grandfather fought in the Second World War, who has friends who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan, who holds the First World War in such grave reverence as to be utterly in awe of what some of those men and women went through. War has horrific and dark consequences.

It’s a special, and deeply grounding, testimony to human spirit that Anzac Day continues to be held in such high esteem.

But I also love the break in my mindset that it affords – the distance from the here-and-now pursuit of success, fame and fortune; from ads, from political scandal: from the stuff that surrounds us.

It’s bigger than the latest Slipper ripper, The Voice’s predictable standings, the front page of Cosmo.

In an era of second-to-second news updates, Twitter feeds, wilted attention spans and Kony’s Jason Russell, it’s easy to occasionally… forget. To Instagram and update a status, to ‘like’ and re-tweet. To reduce the permanent to fragmentary, to imbue the flippant with gravity.

Facebook, Pinterest, celebrities, reality TV, and most fads – be they diets, memes, pop songs or miracle cures – out there are, of course, to be taken with a grain or two of salt.

Even some of the most apparently well-intentioned causes can be blown out of all proportion by the power of our addiction to the ‘like’ button.

Look at Kony 2012 for just one example of how a lag-time of, oh, barely 46 days, was enough to turn a monstrous upwelling of support and fame of gargantuan proportions into nothing more than an embarrassingly damp squib.

It failed not simply because one of its conceivers was, bizzarely, unable to keep his trousers on in public, nor because the message was ultimately founded on shaky semi-truths – lies, that is – but because a month was just long enough to allow 150 million people to forget. As the pitiful turnout to Friday’s Kony Action Day has it, attention spans have never been shorter.

Invisible Children, it turned out, was enough to make many want to forget. To throw a cynical focus onto the harsh realities of war.

At the opposite end of the spectrum is Anzac Day – a moment that is worth remembering, each and every year, without a viral video, San Diego drunkenness and global trending.

It’s saying something that the events of nearly 100 years ago still ring loud and clear in our ears – and hearts – each April. It’s saying something that young and old come together, unprompted by Twitter, Facebook and the like to pay respects to those who fell many generations ago.

(It’s also saying something that some modern day wars need web campaigns to get them noticed – but that is another story altogether.)

Not for tomorrow is the momentary, too-easy and often empty desire that social media and advertisers exploit so well. Kim Kardashian’s arse can bugger off, frankly, for 24 hours.

The things that really matter, that indelibly shape who we are, go beyond hashtags. Our collective memory of the First World War and its timely reminder of those who have fallen in all wars since puts much into perspective.

Its message endures. It reminds us not just of lives lost, sacrifices made and entire generations dented, knocked and dazed, but of the fleeting impermanence of so much we pay disproportionate lip service to these days. Tweeting has its place (I, for one, love it as a news source), but stepping away from a screen, away from the roar of modern life, away from the ego-massaging addiction that so much social media seems to stimulate in us all is one of – if not the only – way to gain a modicum of peace, to stand back, reflect and remember those who have gone before.

Wednesday’s dawn service will be my first Anzac Day ceremony in Australia. And I won’t be Tweeting as the sun rises on Martin Place.

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A land of opportunity by any other name // 20 April 2012

There’s nothing like a long break – nine months working in NYC this time – to put things into perspective. As ever, there are things that have changed about Sydney and others that have stood still. It is only human, after all.

The lifestyle, the yawning harbour, the beaches with their wide grins of white sand are all in tact and, I’m happy to confirm, as invigorating as ever.

But, where Australia once stood on the sidelines of the global stage, hubristically viewed by Britain, for one, as a backwater when it came to culture, education, business and adroit technology, change is in the air. In fact, change has precipitated and is pounding on the theatre stages of London, sloshing in coffee cups in New York and is bucketing onto many a young backpackers’ once-Down Under-led dreams.

Australia is rich. Australia has never had a stronger, more impressive image away from its shores. It is bold, uniquely poised, geographically blessed and riding a wave of prodigious growth. It is the remora to the Chinese shark and it is going to squeeze every last drop from the surge.

Or is it?

The trouble is that while this country of 22 million sits on vast reserves of wealth – lazy money, if you will – it is also crippled, politically speaking, by a fractured government. The Australian Labor Party has lost its teeth, paying disproportionate lip service to opinion-polls and more characterised by in-fighting, backstabbing and hairdresser quips than it is by strong leadership to match its global image.

Where New York, London and LA are filled with young, entrepreneurial Aussie restauranteurs, coffee dons (Toby’s Estate opened recently in Williamsburg and has been frantically successful) and actors and Melbourne-based Gotye is close to notching up his 200 MILLIONTH play on YouTube, Canberra’s echoey halls and sinfully sexless CBD simply don’t step up to the mark.

Where is the direction, the clout, the gravitas that the country deserves? Where are the balls, frankly, that are needed to steer the nation towards real solutions when it comes to renewable energy, sustainable population growth, becoming a Republic, dealing with climate change and planning for the day that China buckles. Who is harnessing and translating its great talent into future growth?

It feels good to be back and Australia is in a spectacular position. So why does it feel so behind and so petty when it comes to policy and forward-planning? And why, as coal mines persist to prove themselves the new gold mines, is this country not using some of the profits towards aligning itself as a global leader in solar energy development, or a hotbed of biomimetic architecture? (Though Queensland’s HEAT Architecture scheme and the Cairns Institute are making headway towards the latter).

The opportunities far outweigh the facts on the ground – and, indeed, in the ground.

I have no doubt that the cream will once again rise to the top. It isn’t, sadly, in Canberra today.

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Australia, it’s good to be back // 16 April 2012

Australia, it’s good to be back.

It’s good to be in spitting distance of the beach, a run along its pristine arc a knee-jerkingly stunning way to start the morning.  A single look at Bondi beach enough, each and every day, to make me congratulate my wise judgement.

It’s good to be surrounded by beautiful men and women – catering to a very niche aesthetic, of course –

It’s good to take a full five seconds to have my ticket read by a clunky, ink-filled machine on the bus. No Go, Oyster or Metro cards here. It’s good to find myself in transport blind spots, dead to trains, tubes, buses, taxis and hard to negotiate on foot.

It’s good to admit to needing a car.

It’s good to pay $10 for two coffees, to switch on the radio and hear a political mandarin declaring ‘fair dinkum’.

To navigate Bunnings with a sausage sizzle construction in tow – the unzipped, flattened hot dogs a contender for the national dish, surely – among browsing hi-vis shirts.

Tattoos on tubby bellies, lazily flopping thonged feet, acres of hose-down chrome and veneer floors in pubs: they’re all good.

Hell, it’s great to be drawn to a standstill by a boyband with artfully haystack-like hair and teeth like sugar cubes. To be frighteningly interested in a group of teens from a small island 12,000 miles away – a monarchy that still has a bizarre grip over life in the sun-drenched land.

It’s even good to hear the empty, bellicose arguments over boat people and the dogmatic gerrymandering of ideas in attempts to justify coal-seam gas expeditions. Fracking, freaking, fuckin’…

It’s good to be home.

Image: Morning dip at Bronte rock pool

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