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AFL Grand Final – take two // 1 October 2010

Ridicule of Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s stripey barnet aside, the only mass hysteria worth getting involved with this weekend is the AFL’s Grand Final.
Aussie Rules, you see, is a religion here, and its annual final match is Christmas, Hanukkah and Eid rolled into one. As far as national sports go, its popularity rivals the US’s NFL and the stadium crowd alone is 116,000.
Last week’s original ‘GF’ was, for the first time in AFL’s 133-year history, a draw, so – as per the traditions set out in AFL rules – tomorrow’s game is a rigmarole of a rematch and the stakes are higher than ever.
The crux of the hype spins on the facts that this is one of only three rematches in AFL GF history (yep, if it ain’t an abbreviation, it soon will be), and the teams in question are both from Melbourne, which is the home to AFL (or as it was once known, the Victorian Football League). It’s the equivalent of an FA cup final between Man U and Man City, washed down with VB, coloured in black, white and red and with mountains of historical context weighing it all down.
The underdog, St. Kilda Saints, are pitched against the much-villified Collingwood Magpies.
Jim, my insider pundit, echoes the sentiments of most I’ve come across: “I’m hoping St Kilda will win – my heart says Saints and my head says Collingwood.”
The “massively unpopular” ‘Pies owe their reputation to their home geography – they’re from the wrong of the tracks, their fans and tactics are of dubious origin, or, “because they’re dirty” as my cousin put it.
Collingwood is a traditional working-class area, their supporters are rough and whilst “gentrification and all that” has ironically made the area trendy, old habits die hard.
And whilst one rematch may be one rematch too many for some fans who paid $1000 for last Saturday’s game, there can be no more than two finals played. Tomorrow’s score cannot be a draw.
The rarity of such an occasion has some rubbing their hands together with glee – it’s another money-spinning week tacked onto the end of the AFL season, a bumper viewing-figures certainty and a sponsorship goldmine.
It’s also a bit of an inconvenience to those who, like a friend, chose to put his wedding back by a week to avoid clashing with the original GF date last Saturday. His ceremony begins at the end of the fourth quarter, whilst another wedding that I’m heading to starts at the end of the third quarter. There is no clock-watching according to GMT tomorrow – just hours before kick-off and quarters thereafter.
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Aussie rules // 20 September 2010

Rules, rules everywhere.

Having spent a fair old chunk of my life in the Middle East, I have always appreciated just how liberal the UK is. Notting Hill Carnival, Glastonbury, the Naked Bike Ride, bonfire night, drinking on trains, smiley Policemen, Vivienne Westwood, Camden, no helmet laws for cyclists, minimal media censorship, proper pints, page three girls.

Being half-Australian, I have also always known that Australia is a conservative place. I was prepared for a distinct lack of British liberalism, but I wasn’t ready for the nannyish mollycoddling that seems to step in time with the conservative-or is that liberal-or perhaps it’s labour thinking here.

You have to wear a helmet to ride a bike, many festivals only sell low beers. Bright yellow road signs that I always read as ‘refugee island’ tell you when there is refuge island, whatever that is, ahead. Drinking alcohol from open vessels is prohibited in public areas, newspapers won’t show much flesh and are choked by legal restrictions. The policemen are scarily fit, almost bionic-looking to the point that they give me the heeby-jeebies. I shall not commit any crimes, ever. The list goes on. I am an adult, surely I can make my own choices about the type of beer I choose to drink.

But no matter how uptight some of the many laws here seem to be, there is one thing that can’t be beaten down by overpowering government interference. And that is the great Aussie barbie. Like every good, solid institution, they are accessible and free: parks are dotted by gas, coal and wood barbeques which are maintained by someone else and paid for indirectly – so painlessly – through tax. They are little beacons of good, clean fun and long may they remain so. Now, if only we could legally crack open a cold beer to enjoy with these freshly barbied steaks, eh…

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Snakes alive // 9 September 2010

Eegads! The creepy crawlies in this neck of the woods are doing their Sunday bestest to more than live up to their world-famous reputations.

On paradisical Moreton Island – a short hop from Brisbane – last weekend, some friends caught a display of mother nature at its procreative sharp end on a tin roof just a few doors away from my Aunt and Uncle’s place (where I was lounging, basking in ignorant bliss).

Mating Morelia pythons, better known as carpet snakes, intertwined in a lolloping, ritualistic spiral. The female is 3 metres long. She, like her mate, constricts around and suffocates her prey. Thanks to Trevor and Sue for having the calm temperament (and, frankly, balls of steel) to remember to film it all…

http://www.vimeo.com/14821704w=600&h=500

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A coming of age // 30 August 2010

Dubai has changed. It’s different, obviously, to the way it was thirteen years ago when I first got to know its waxy, dusty heat and shimmering, folly-laden ambitions.

There are the towers and malls, humming away. And the 4x4s sailing along tarmacked 12-laners. But with every glass-clad new build comes an equally balanced and gradual wearying of the buildings that went before. Older, lesser edifices are fast becoming that bit much more aged and that bit much more part of the city’s background.

As each cloud-cloaked monument to oil teeters precariously heavenwards, the original ex-pat enclaves, full of sleepy, sandy streets and chunky, square villas, are pushed back a little further into obsolescence – and into normality. Well, they are twenty years old, afterall. It’s beginning to feel like a real city, not only where, like other cities, the rich and poor live poles apart and yet on top of each other, but where a middle ‘class’ is swelling, living in areas of town that are looking dog-eared, a bit shabby and past it, but all the more appealing and grounding for it. As time goes on and villas empty, dumped cars multiply at Dubai airport and job markets wobble, the humanness of it – the predictable rise and fall of it all – is gradually making the UAE’s brash party something far more lifelike.

Soon, there’ll be graffiti, petty crime (to complement the dubious activities that already go on) and a quietly bubbling subculture that the Arabian Gulf desperately lacks; once unleashed, the rest will spill ahead at breakneck speed. Dubious ideals come with baggage. And with the shiny skyscrapers come wrinkles on the youthful face of the Gulf.

Abandoned homes and fading near-pasts – images taken in an around an empty, open villa in the shadow of the Burj Dubai last week

Maid’s kitchen

Sir’s kitchen

Plumbing problems

Lonely key

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